Yesterday was Memorial Day, and we spent it returning from our weekend at the beach.
We had a great weekend--we left Saturday morning (after my walk around the neighborhood!) and celebrated O's birthday with cousins, aunts & uncles with a pirate-themed party. The kids did face painting, there was a treasure hunt, and a good time was had by all! Sunday my cousin, her daughter, O and I went on a nice 2-mile walk from Klipsan Beach to Ocean Park. I was feeling a little on the light-headed side at the end of the trip so I had G come pick us up instead of a round-trip excursion.
All in all, I still have limited side effects--I feel spaced out, dehydrated, tired, and have a funny metally-taste in my mouth a lot--but still nothing MAJOR (knock on wood). A weekend like the one at the beach was fun, but I was definitely tired at the end of it all! Getting stuck twice in traffic on the way home with a toddler refusing to nap did not add to my happiness....and as for my Memorial Day Exercise? I worked in the yard, which I'm sure would not "count" to Dr. Chui but it felt good to do a little work out there in the fresh air and it got my heart pumping a bit...(back to the elliptical today, though!)
However, Memorial Day puts something like survivable cancer in perspective for me. And instead of spending any more time complaining about the I-5 Bridge being raised or food not tasting as good to me, I will instead wrap up by thanking the service men and women who have sacrificed family, holidays, delicious meals, the comforts of home, and sometimes even their lives for our country.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
In This Corner.....
Round 2 starts in about 5 hours and I guess I'm as ready as I can be.
This first week was, as I have previously said, relatively easy. A little more tired, a little stomach stuff but nothing major.
I exercised every day, including getting up early this morning to do a workout video that includes weight work, stretching, yoga and cardio...I'm ready to report to Dr. Chui!!
O is now officially 2-years-old, and his smile still lights up my day.
I am going to take the three day weekend off from blogging here, and will (attempt to) pretend I don't have cancer. Hopefully my body will cooperate! We will be with lots of family and have an even bigger celebration for O this weekend. Granny has planned a pirate-themed party, and lots of family have assisted with planning fun activities like a treasure hunt for all of the kids. O is already talking about who he is going to see there: Lucas, Dylan, Kevin....those names are in heavy rotation...with shout outs to Granny-Poppop-Feather-Bobbob-Rhonda-Miranda-KatyJo-and Lindsey too! (I'm impressed--it took his Dad even longer to learn that many names of my family members! haha) We have a walk-date already set with cousins Kiauna and Ava Sunday morning, too.
Can't wait to see my family!!!!
This first week was, as I have previously said, relatively easy. A little more tired, a little stomach stuff but nothing major.
I exercised every day, including getting up early this morning to do a workout video that includes weight work, stretching, yoga and cardio...I'm ready to report to Dr. Chui!!
O is now officially 2-years-old, and his smile still lights up my day.
I am going to take the three day weekend off from blogging here, and will (attempt to) pretend I don't have cancer. Hopefully my body will cooperate! We will be with lots of family and have an even bigger celebration for O this weekend. Granny has planned a pirate-themed party, and lots of family have assisted with planning fun activities like a treasure hunt for all of the kids. O is already talking about who he is going to see there: Lucas, Dylan, Kevin....those names are in heavy rotation...with shout outs to Granny-Poppop-Feather-Bobbob-Rhonda-Miranda-KatyJo-and Lindsey too! (I'm impressed--it took his Dad even longer to learn that many names of my family members! haha) We have a walk-date already set with cousins Kiauna and Ava Sunday morning, too.
Can't wait to see my family!!!!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
No News is Good News!
Still no major news. I am having some VERY MILD side effects but they involve things of a gastro-intestinal nature so I don't think any details are required (you're welcome!)
Got up before the alarm went off yesterday and did my walk around the hills. It was a beautiful morning and I wish I had taken my camera with me to share a picture of the sun rising over the city. Today I stayed in bed until the alarm went off which means the elliptical machine in the basement is awaiting me. I'll head down there shortly.
In week one of chemo I want to be able to tell Dr. Chui I exercised every day. (One week at a time...)
So, that's about it. Tomorrow my "baby" turns 2-years-old! I am looking forward to celebrating with him, his Granny & his pals at daycare. We will be taking some frozen fruit bars for the kids to enjoy. And I'll try to remember to take a few pictures.
After that, it's chemo again Thursday afternoon.
So for now, I guess I'm kicking chemo's ass instead of the reverse. I'm prepared for the side effects that may come over time but I'm doing well so far and that's all I can ask!
Got up before the alarm went off yesterday and did my walk around the hills. It was a beautiful morning and I wish I had taken my camera with me to share a picture of the sun rising over the city. Today I stayed in bed until the alarm went off which means the elliptical machine in the basement is awaiting me. I'll head down there shortly.
In week one of chemo I want to be able to tell Dr. Chui I exercised every day. (One week at a time...)
So, that's about it. Tomorrow my "baby" turns 2-years-old! I am looking forward to celebrating with him, his Granny & his pals at daycare. We will be taking some frozen fruit bars for the kids to enjoy. And I'll try to remember to take a few pictures.
After that, it's chemo again Thursday afternoon.
So for now, I guess I'm kicking chemo's ass instead of the reverse. I'm prepared for the side effects that may come over time but I'm doing well so far and that's all I can ask!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Still Doing Okay...
YESTERDAY:
G got up with O so I got to sleep in. Per O's request, they went out to "party" on the "big slide."
Went for a ride together when they were done, then nap time for O and laundry time, relax time for Mommy. I went for a walk around the neighborhood (40 minutes) then Granny and Gramps came over to babysit so G & I could go see "Bridesmaids." (funny, raunchy...good escape)
Dinner at home, bedtime for all.
Side effects: non-existent to minimal
TODAY:
I got up with O, he had breakfast, then we went on a walk:
G got up with O so I got to sleep in. Per O's request, they went out to "party" on the "big slide."
Went for a ride together when they were done, then nap time for O and laundry time, relax time for Mommy. I went for a walk around the neighborhood (40 minutes) then Granny and Gramps came over to babysit so G & I could go see "Bridesmaids." (funny, raunchy...good escape)
Dinner at home, bedtime for all.
Side effects: non-existent to minimal
TODAY:
I got up with O, he had breakfast, then we went on a walk:
This walk was only 30 minutes, but I assure you that pushing O in his stroller (with a wheel slightly out of alignment) up the hills around our house meant my heart and legs were working double-time, so I'm counting it as an hour! (okay, I'm not really...but it was a good work out, I'm sure to be feeling it tomorrow...)
G & O are back partying at the "big slide" while I type this update. I'm off to get ready for brunch with some colleagues, then I suspect we'll all rendezvous here for the afternoon. Rumor has it Auntie Feather is coming for a visit.
Side effects: non-existent to minimal...I admit to some stomach upset right now but am attributing that to the exertion of the walk more than anything else!
Friday, May 20, 2011
Let's Get Physical...
Okay, so I have to apologize in advance for these particular posts, but if I'm going to stay up on my exercising I really feel like I have to self-report it here....you know, to keep myself honest about it.
So, today from 11-11:35 I did the stair-master.
And, even though I hate to admit it because I'm so lazy, it actually did help clear my head a bit.
I'll probably post at least an exercise update every few days. Maybe I'll even give Dr. Chui my blog address so he can keep tabs on me.
So far, still no major side effects to report! I did order some barf bags online from Amazon.com--they are hard to find over the counter anywhere here I was surprised to learn. I'm trying to be over-prepared because I superstitiously believe that if I have something like that, I won't need it! Along those lines, I've also started my "middle of the night ER trip" phone list--people I can call who live relatively close by that can drive me to an ER if needed while G waits for Granny and Gramps to take over O duty. I'd like to have his sleep as undisturbed as possible through all of this...so if you are within 15 driving minutes or so of our house and can volunteer for this I will supply my own barf bags for the ride!
So, today from 11-11:35 I did the stair-master.
And, even though I hate to admit it because I'm so lazy, it actually did help clear my head a bit.
I'll probably post at least an exercise update every few days. Maybe I'll even give Dr. Chui my blog address so he can keep tabs on me.
So far, still no major side effects to report! I did order some barf bags online from Amazon.com--they are hard to find over the counter anywhere here I was surprised to learn. I'm trying to be over-prepared because I superstitiously believe that if I have something like that, I won't need it! Along those lines, I've also started my "middle of the night ER trip" phone list--people I can call who live relatively close by that can drive me to an ER if needed while G waits for Granny and Gramps to take over O duty. I'd like to have his sleep as undisturbed as possible through all of this...so if you are within 15 driving minutes or so of our house and can volunteer for this I will supply my own barf bags for the ride!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
ONE DOWN: fifteen to go
Just a quick update about today's session.
The morning started off with a lot of wonderful emails and text messages from friends and family--some made me laugh, and some brought tears to my eyes, but it was all good. I let myself have a quick cry (see: Holly Hunter in "Broadcast News") before putting on my makeup...and off we went.
(that video quality is not awesome...but you get the idea....)
The morning went pretty slowly (which we were told to expect). The nurses accessed my Smart Port and drew some blood for the labs. Once my results were in, I was given an anti-nausea pill and then treated to IV doses of Zantec, Benadryl, and some steroids. The medicines all work together to stave off nausea and also to prevent strong allergic reactions to the chemo. So, while I checked in around 9 I really wasn't even given the Taxol until sometime after 11....(I have been watching Season 2 of "The Good Wife" on my iPad while waiting...so time actually goes by pretty fast...) Today the Taxol was dripped in slowly over the course of about an hour to make sure my body didn't have a major adverse reaction. I think over the course of the next twelve weeks the drip rate will increase somewhat.
The good news: during the chemo treatment I did not have a major allergic reaction nor did I feel any bad side effects.
We came home, had some lunch, and I went to BED. I am not sure if the chemo had me tired out or if it was the 50 mg of Benadryl but I needed a little snooze. It was not terribly restful, but it was good to relax. I then got up and walked to O's daycare where I was met by G in the car. Dr. Chui stopped by this morning during my session and reminded me to EX-ER-CISE so I did...
Around 6:30 tonight I had wave of nausea so I quickly ran upstairs and took one of my pills. I feel better now but am ready for bed after a long day.
Apparently, I can expect the side effects to hit 2-5 days out--which effects, their severity, and exactly when all remain T.B.D.
But so far, nothing too exciting to report. And I'm good with that!
The morning started off with a lot of wonderful emails and text messages from friends and family--some made me laugh, and some brought tears to my eyes, but it was all good. I let myself have a quick cry (see: Holly Hunter in "Broadcast News") before putting on my makeup...and off we went.
(that video quality is not awesome...but you get the idea....)
The morning went pretty slowly (which we were told to expect). The nurses accessed my Smart Port and drew some blood for the labs. Once my results were in, I was given an anti-nausea pill and then treated to IV doses of Zantec, Benadryl, and some steroids. The medicines all work together to stave off nausea and also to prevent strong allergic reactions to the chemo. So, while I checked in around 9 I really wasn't even given the Taxol until sometime after 11....(I have been watching Season 2 of "The Good Wife" on my iPad while waiting...so time actually goes by pretty fast...) Today the Taxol was dripped in slowly over the course of about an hour to make sure my body didn't have a major adverse reaction. I think over the course of the next twelve weeks the drip rate will increase somewhat.
The good news: during the chemo treatment I did not have a major allergic reaction nor did I feel any bad side effects.
We came home, had some lunch, and I went to BED. I am not sure if the chemo had me tired out or if it was the 50 mg of Benadryl but I needed a little snooze. It was not terribly restful, but it was good to relax. I then got up and walked to O's daycare where I was met by G in the car. Dr. Chui stopped by this morning during my session and reminded me to EX-ER-CISE so I did...
Around 6:30 tonight I had wave of nausea so I quickly ran upstairs and took one of my pills. I feel better now but am ready for bed after a long day.
Apparently, I can expect the side effects to hit 2-5 days out--which effects, their severity, and exactly when all remain T.B.D.
But so far, nothing too exciting to report. And I'm good with that!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Into the Tunnel
So my friend Ginny recently likened this chemo anxiety I'm having to the fear of going into a tunnel without knowing how dark the tunnel will get before I make it out to the other side. I thought that was a great analogy, and it got me thinking about one of the SCARIEST MOVIES I have ever seen.
Before I name the movie, I have to say to all you horror film aficionados that I am not, myself, personally a connoisseur of scary movies so if you think I'm a wimp for finding this particular movie "the scariest" I don't care. I also don't care to hear what movie is scarier because I won't see it: I get way too scared!
But I married a lover of scary movies and while usually he goes it alone we were up in Seattle one week years ago and we each picked a movie we wanted to see while we were there. I chose "Little Miss Sunshine." G chose "The Descent."
For those of you who haven't seen this movie, it is about a group of women who go spelunking in unknown caves in the Appalachian Mountains. Now, to be honest with you, probably a movie just about spelunking would be scary to me but (SPOILER ALERT!) not only do they climb through too-small tunnels that collapse behind them cutting off their only known route of escape, they also encounter the flesh-eating cave dwellers who are among the creepiest movie creeps ever:
They have to fight off these scary monsters that are blind but have sonar-sense and in doing so they hide in pools of blood and other gross stuff.
My point of this post?
I WOULD NEVER GO SPELUNKING, or SPELUNK, or whatever you call it, because I would never voluntarily rappel down to middle earth and crawl through tunnels which may or may not collapse behind me!
Likewise, I do not want to voluntarily hook myself up to a machine that will inject my body with poisons that may (or may not) give me constipation or diarrhea, nausea, hair loss, darkened nail beds, mouth sores, chemo brain & fatigue!
I guess chemo isn't really voluntary, though, is it? So my descent begins in two days. On the bright side: I'm killing cancer! On the even BRIGHTER side, I won't have to deal with any sonar-powered-flesh-eating-cave-dwellers.
So there's that!
Before I name the movie, I have to say to all you horror film aficionados that I am not, myself, personally a connoisseur of scary movies so if you think I'm a wimp for finding this particular movie "the scariest" I don't care. I also don't care to hear what movie is scarier because I won't see it: I get way too scared!
But I married a lover of scary movies and while usually he goes it alone we were up in Seattle one week years ago and we each picked a movie we wanted to see while we were there. I chose "Little Miss Sunshine." G chose "The Descent."
For those of you who haven't seen this movie, it is about a group of women who go spelunking in unknown caves in the Appalachian Mountains. Now, to be honest with you, probably a movie just about spelunking would be scary to me but (SPOILER ALERT!) not only do they climb through too-small tunnels that collapse behind them cutting off their only known route of escape, they also encounter the flesh-eating cave dwellers who are among the creepiest movie creeps ever:
They have to fight off these scary monsters that are blind but have sonar-sense and in doing so they hide in pools of blood and other gross stuff.
My point of this post?
I WOULD NEVER GO SPELUNKING, or SPELUNK, or whatever you call it, because I would never voluntarily rappel down to middle earth and crawl through tunnels which may or may not collapse behind me!
Likewise, I do not want to voluntarily hook myself up to a machine that will inject my body with poisons that may (or may not) give me constipation or diarrhea, nausea, hair loss, darkened nail beds, mouth sores, chemo brain & fatigue!
I guess chemo isn't really voluntary, though, is it? So my descent begins in two days. On the bright side: I'm killing cancer! On the even BRIGHTER side, I won't have to deal with any sonar-powered-flesh-eating-cave-dwellers.
So there's that!
Monday, May 16, 2011
Big Week Ahead
So, this little blogger program had some issues last week...the last post I wrote, which says it was written on Saturday was actually written on Thursday the 12th...but technical issues put things on hold for a few days (obviously) and then I edited the post a bit. So there you go.
Friday's surgery went just fine. Although they billed the anesthesia as something that will put you in a "sleepy state" I was OUT like a light (which is a-okay with me). This surgery involved a small incision in one of my veins for the guide-wire and then a larger incision below for the actual "Smart Port" insertion so I have one small bandage on my neck and a larger dressing on my chest. The port is used for blood draws and chemo or other IV infusions so I will have it for the duration of chemo. I honestly don't know when it will be removed...I'm guessing during my mastectomy? Or maybe it has to be completely separate. I have no idea.
It will look something like this when it is used:
The hardest part of all of this is not being able to pick up O, of course, but G is doing an admirable job of lugging him around for both of us. We also had help Saturday from cousin KJ, and then my mom and sister came over yesterday for some additional relief and assistance.
Chemo starts Thursday and it probably goes without saying that I remain very anxious about what lies ahead as far as the side-effects go, but I'm trying not to dwell...
Friday's surgery went just fine. Although they billed the anesthesia as something that will put you in a "sleepy state" I was OUT like a light (which is a-okay with me). This surgery involved a small incision in one of my veins for the guide-wire and then a larger incision below for the actual "Smart Port" insertion so I have one small bandage on my neck and a larger dressing on my chest. The port is used for blood draws and chemo or other IV infusions so I will have it for the duration of chemo. I honestly don't know when it will be removed...I'm guessing during my mastectomy? Or maybe it has to be completely separate. I have no idea.
It will look something like this when it is used:
The hardest part of all of this is not being able to pick up O, of course, but G is doing an admirable job of lugging him around for both of us. We also had help Saturday from cousin KJ, and then my mom and sister came over yesterday for some additional relief and assistance.
Chemo starts Thursday and it probably goes without saying that I remain very anxious about what lies ahead as far as the side-effects go, but I'm trying not to dwell...
Saturday, May 14, 2011
The Calm Before the Storm
I've received lots of little notes here and there checking in this week--and my response has been much the same to all: I'm enjoying the calm before the storm!
Tomorrow morning I have to report for the port-a-cath surgery at SIX IN THE MORNING. Yuck. I do not like getting up that early! As a result, my Mom is going to spend the night tonight so O's schedule is undisturbed--he will go to daycare as usual, and then come home to a well-rested Mommy who isn't allowed to pick him up (boo!)
Before all the madness begins in earnest, we were fortunate to have Melissa Hathaway, official photographer of the M Family (and, I'd like to say: family friend), come over this morning and take some pictures of me and Owen together, just the two of us. She did Mother & Child sittings to benefit the Japan Earthquake Victims last month and when I contacted her to see if we could get in for one and I explained why she wouldn't even let me pay! She has taken photos for us of O at 6 weeks, 6 months and a year. You can see her work here: http://www.melissahathaway.com/blog/category/portland-baby-photographers/ and you can see her work at the top of this page--the photo of me with the short 'do was taken during this session...And if you're local, I'd definitely encourage you to call her for your own photos!
That's about it from here for now.
Tomorrow morning I have to report for the port-a-cath surgery at SIX IN THE MORNING. Yuck. I do not like getting up that early! As a result, my Mom is going to spend the night tonight so O's schedule is undisturbed--he will go to daycare as usual, and then come home to a well-rested Mommy who isn't allowed to pick him up (boo!)
Before all the madness begins in earnest, we were fortunate to have Melissa Hathaway, official photographer of the M Family (and, I'd like to say: family friend), come over this morning and take some pictures of me and Owen together, just the two of us. She did Mother & Child sittings to benefit the Japan Earthquake Victims last month and when I contacted her to see if we could get in for one and I explained why she wouldn't even let me pay! She has taken photos for us of O at 6 weeks, 6 months and a year. You can see her work here: http://www.melissahathaway.com/blog/category/portland-baby-photographers/ and you can see her work at the top of this page--the photo of me with the short 'do was taken during this session...And if you're local, I'd definitely encourage you to call her for your own photos!
That's about it from here for now.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Happy Mother's Day!
In honor of Mother's Day weekend I went yesterday to have my eggs frozen. The procedure required me to be under general anesthesia, and they retrieved eggs from 15 follicles. Of those, 11 were good enough to be frozen. So, good-bye little eggies! See you in a few years!
O went to my parents' house for the day and night so Greg and I got the special gift of sleeping in this morning! We met up with my sister, brother-in-law, parents & O for breakfast. Then haircuts for the boys, naptime, and a quick Kinect chat with family in California.
All in all, a nice quiet day. Hope all you Mommies out there had a similarly fabulous day!
O went to my parents' house for the day and night so Greg and I got the special gift of sleeping in this morning! We met up with my sister, brother-in-law, parents & O for breakfast. Then haircuts for the boys, naptime, and a quick Kinect chat with family in California.
All in all, a nice quiet day. Hope all you Mommies out there had a similarly fabulous day!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Pity, Party of One--Your Table is Ready
It's funny--I looked back at Monday's post and was surprised at how pathetic I sounded...I thought I was all better, and then today I went to my chemo class an--WHOA NELLY--I completely lost my composure about 5 minutes into it and then the floodgates were open. I cried BUCKETS of tears today--publicly--and I...Could. Not. Stop.
Oh, dear readers, I wish I could tell you that it was just me, Greg, and the chemo class teachers but NO, there was another woman with cancer who had her daughter, sister & husband there with her and they were making jokes and totally holding it together....and making sympathetic sounds when they would look across the table at me crying. And then the nurse would look at me sympathetically and I'd start crying again. Truly, truly awful. I totally blame the hormones!
IN OTHER NEWS:
Tuesday was the big haircut day and I am so grateful to my friend and retired hairdresser, Thi, for coming to our house and cutting my hair for me. It turned out really good. I'm still playing with the right mix of hair product and styling techniques but it's great....even if it doesn't last long! I learned today in chemo class that IF my hair falls out, it will fall out within two weeks of the first treatment and quickly...which I didn't really exactly know but I guess it's good to be prepared!
On Wednesday I heard from the genetics department that I am NEGATIVE for the genetic mutations BRCA-1 and BRCA-2...despite that fact I am still considering a double mastectomy. Here's my thinking: I'd get reconstructive surgery anyway so why not just reduce my risk of at least one area where I could develop cancer in the future? Greg is supportive of this because he thinks it will give me (and, therefore, US) some peace of mind after this is all over. I have talked to Drs. Naik and Chui about it and while they are clear it has no treatment effects on the existing cancer, and therefore it's not required, they are not actively dissuading me from it. It's something to think about, and nothing I need to decide today.
Today, in addition to the cry-fest at chemo class, Greg and I met again with Dr. Chui to review the treatment plan. It turns out that upon further review of my biopsy results I do *NOT* qualify for the ISPY2 study because my tumor is actually LOW-RISK--which is good news. Dr. Chui says that improves my chances of a complete recovery even more. It's also good news because the study required another biopsy. I will NOT miss that!
I begin my first course of chemo on May 19th. These treatments are weekly for 12 cycles. (Hopefully, it will happen weekly, but treatments can be delayed if I have severe side-effects). After that I start another kind of chemo which will be 4 cycles every two weeks (for a total of 8 weeks, with the same qualifier that I have to be tolerating it well). That should take us into September or October. Then, again depending on how well I do, I will have surgery no sooner than 3 weeks after my last chemo treatment....possibly longer.
I told Dr. Chui I'm going to Hawaii in December so we have to be done in time for that and I need to be in my new bikini!!!
One thing Dr. Chui emphasized A LOT today in our meeting was the importance of exercise during chemo, especially on the days when I just want to lay in bed. Unfortunately, I am one of the laziest people on the planet. Fortunately, I have a two-year-old who I will be able to take for walks around the block and get out every day. Greg has promised to join me. If you're local, maybe you can one or two days as well to keep me honest!
Finally, today is the last day I will have to give myself fertility shots (hooray!) I have to take my trigger shot at 11:00 tonight and then report for the harvest Saturday morning. I won't miss giving myself the shots although I fully acknowledge that a month from now I'm going to be wishing for just three shots a day and the hormonal side effects instead of whatever chemo has in store for me.
The good news is, the PLAN is finally in place. That certainty obviously settled in on me at about 9:00 this morning when I couldn't stop crying, but I'm feeling okay now.
By the way, I appreciate everyone offering to let me cry to them--but I really don't want to! I prefer to do my crying by myself...or, apparently, publicly in a room full of strangers!
Oh, dear readers, I wish I could tell you that it was just me, Greg, and the chemo class teachers but NO, there was another woman with cancer who had her daughter, sister & husband there with her and they were making jokes and totally holding it together....and making sympathetic sounds when they would look across the table at me crying. And then the nurse would look at me sympathetically and I'd start crying again. Truly, truly awful. I totally blame the hormones!
IN OTHER NEWS:
Tuesday was the big haircut day and I am so grateful to my friend and retired hairdresser, Thi, for coming to our house and cutting my hair for me. It turned out really good. I'm still playing with the right mix of hair product and styling techniques but it's great....even if it doesn't last long! I learned today in chemo class that IF my hair falls out, it will fall out within two weeks of the first treatment and quickly...which I didn't really exactly know but I guess it's good to be prepared!
On Wednesday I heard from the genetics department that I am NEGATIVE for the genetic mutations BRCA-1 and BRCA-2...despite that fact I am still considering a double mastectomy. Here's my thinking: I'd get reconstructive surgery anyway so why not just reduce my risk of at least one area where I could develop cancer in the future? Greg is supportive of this because he thinks it will give me (and, therefore, US) some peace of mind after this is all over. I have talked to Drs. Naik and Chui about it and while they are clear it has no treatment effects on the existing cancer, and therefore it's not required, they are not actively dissuading me from it. It's something to think about, and nothing I need to decide today.
Today, in addition to the cry-fest at chemo class, Greg and I met again with Dr. Chui to review the treatment plan. It turns out that upon further review of my biopsy results I do *NOT* qualify for the ISPY2 study because my tumor is actually LOW-RISK--which is good news. Dr. Chui says that improves my chances of a complete recovery even more. It's also good news because the study required another biopsy. I will NOT miss that!
I begin my first course of chemo on May 19th. These treatments are weekly for 12 cycles. (Hopefully, it will happen weekly, but treatments can be delayed if I have severe side-effects). After that I start another kind of chemo which will be 4 cycles every two weeks (for a total of 8 weeks, with the same qualifier that I have to be tolerating it well). That should take us into September or October. Then, again depending on how well I do, I will have surgery no sooner than 3 weeks after my last chemo treatment....possibly longer.
I told Dr. Chui I'm going to Hawaii in December so we have to be done in time for that and I need to be in my new bikini!!!
One thing Dr. Chui emphasized A LOT today in our meeting was the importance of exercise during chemo, especially on the days when I just want to lay in bed. Unfortunately, I am one of the laziest people on the planet. Fortunately, I have a two-year-old who I will be able to take for walks around the block and get out every day. Greg has promised to join me. If you're local, maybe you can one or two days as well to keep me honest!
Finally, today is the last day I will have to give myself fertility shots (hooray!) I have to take my trigger shot at 11:00 tonight and then report for the harvest Saturday morning. I won't miss giving myself the shots although I fully acknowledge that a month from now I'm going to be wishing for just three shots a day and the hormonal side effects instead of whatever chemo has in store for me.
The good news is, the PLAN is finally in place. That certainty obviously settled in on me at about 9:00 this morning when I couldn't stop crying, but I'm feeling okay now.
By the way, I appreciate everyone offering to let me cry to them--but I really don't want to! I prefer to do my crying by myself...or, apparently, publicly in a room full of strangers!
Monday, May 2, 2011
You Say It's Your Birthday....
On Saturday I turned 39 without much in the way of fanfare...Friday my co-workers took me out to lunch (I had to wear balloons on my ears to get my free sundae....I guess that counts as some fanfare....)
Saturday morning I woke up earlier than I would have wanted to to go to the fertility doctor. Then G, O & I went to "Playdate PDX" an indoor play structure that O particularly enjoys. Naptime followed shortly after that, and then I had to run out to do Probable Cause Hearings for our office. (About once every 18 months or so, we cover "PC Duty" in our office). Our friends the Snowschroes joined us that evening--we had take out dinner, some nice wine, and cupcakes from Cupcake Jones to close out the night.
Sunday morning was another appointment at the fertility doctor's bright and early, then O and I went to my parents to see dear family friends who were in town visiting. O loves to go to Granny and Grandpa's house especially because they live across the street from a park. We played on the swings and slides while we were there and his Auntie Feather taught him what an "underdog" is on the swing-set (as those who know O can imagine--he loved it).
I heard from my friend who will be coming over to the house Tuesday to cut my hair. I've been feeling oddly emotional about this. On the one hand, I am loving the excuse to go super-short because I've often thought about doing it (while simultaneously fearing "mom hair"...I'm reminded of a scene from the season two finale of 30 Rock when Liz Lemon thinks she is pregnant and Jack says: "You're going to want to get a very short haircut. Resist that urge.") Luckily my friend will NOT allow me to have Mom hair and I know it's going to be great....it's just that it sets into motion all of these other things I'm dreading.
This weekend was an emotional one for me, I think because it was my birthday. I wanted Baby # 2 done and over with by my 40th birthday, and that's not going to happen. In fact, assuming the fertility work is a success (there exists a chance none of the eggs harvested will survive this process....) my best case scenario for in-vitro is probably 2-3 years away. While the eggs will be under 40, the rest of my body won't be, and it's just not quite what I had planned.
I also find myself morbidly worrying that it was my last birthday--which is, of course, HIGHLY unlikely given all that we know about the situation now (ummmm....can you even read the phrase "the situation" anymore without thinking of Jersey Shore? I can't, obviously) but still it nags at me from the deep, dark corners of my mind.
But mostly I think it's just this holding pattern: waiting for the advanced but relatively inexact science of these fertility treatments (and making multiple, very expensive trips to the doctor's office and pharmacy) to finish up so I can move on to the next step in this process. I know it will happen sometime later this week, but still don't know which day. Since OHSU has scheduled me for a couple of meetings on Thursday I'm fairly convinced that that will be the day of the harvest causing a scheduling conflict....
Once that's done, it will be time to schedule the day-surgery for my port-a-cath which I'm not excited about getting...having said that, though, my veins are already tender from all of the blood draws so I am glad to know there will be relief from that.
As I sat here writing this, I learned that my cancer is genetically aggressive enough to warrant my participation in the ISPY2 study if I choose to do it. The nurse is emailing me the consent forms now. Since I have tried (not always successfully) to take Kate's advice not to worry about the decisions not immediately in front of me I've only thought about this study in the most general terms. Now I have to really read up on it to know for sure it's the right decision for me. I did ask Dr. Wheeler (she of the 2d opinion) about what she knew and she was enthusiastic about the study, saying there's nothing terribly "controversial" about it and of course Dr. Chui at OHSU encouraged me to do it if I qualified the last time we spoke.
(I should note that this genetic analysis is NOT the same as the analysis that will determine whether or not I have the genetic mutation making me more prone to cancer....I should find that out later this week....)
All-in-all, I find myself being a little weepier these last handful of days. I'm sure the hormones I'm forcing on myself don't help matters, but I think the fears of the unknown are the bigger culprit.
Still I know that it's all going to be fine in the end, I just have those moments where I let the self-pity get the better of me.
Saturday morning I woke up earlier than I would have wanted to to go to the fertility doctor. Then G, O & I went to "Playdate PDX" an indoor play structure that O particularly enjoys. Naptime followed shortly after that, and then I had to run out to do Probable Cause Hearings for our office. (About once every 18 months or so, we cover "PC Duty" in our office). Our friends the Snowschroes joined us that evening--we had take out dinner, some nice wine, and cupcakes from Cupcake Jones to close out the night.
Sunday morning was another appointment at the fertility doctor's bright and early, then O and I went to my parents to see dear family friends who were in town visiting. O loves to go to Granny and Grandpa's house especially because they live across the street from a park. We played on the swings and slides while we were there and his Auntie Feather taught him what an "underdog" is on the swing-set (as those who know O can imagine--he loved it).
I heard from my friend who will be coming over to the house Tuesday to cut my hair. I've been feeling oddly emotional about this. On the one hand, I am loving the excuse to go super-short because I've often thought about doing it (while simultaneously fearing "mom hair"...I'm reminded of a scene from the season two finale of 30 Rock when Liz Lemon thinks she is pregnant and Jack says: "You're going to want to get a very short haircut. Resist that urge.") Luckily my friend will NOT allow me to have Mom hair and I know it's going to be great....it's just that it sets into motion all of these other things I'm dreading.
This weekend was an emotional one for me, I think because it was my birthday. I wanted Baby # 2 done and over with by my 40th birthday, and that's not going to happen. In fact, assuming the fertility work is a success (there exists a chance none of the eggs harvested will survive this process....) my best case scenario for in-vitro is probably 2-3 years away. While the eggs will be under 40, the rest of my body won't be, and it's just not quite what I had planned.
I also find myself morbidly worrying that it was my last birthday--which is, of course, HIGHLY unlikely given all that we know about the situation now (ummmm....can you even read the phrase "the situation" anymore without thinking of Jersey Shore? I can't, obviously) but still it nags at me from the deep, dark corners of my mind.
But mostly I think it's just this holding pattern: waiting for the advanced but relatively inexact science of these fertility treatments (and making multiple, very expensive trips to the doctor's office and pharmacy) to finish up so I can move on to the next step in this process. I know it will happen sometime later this week, but still don't know which day. Since OHSU has scheduled me for a couple of meetings on Thursday I'm fairly convinced that that will be the day of the harvest causing a scheduling conflict....
Once that's done, it will be time to schedule the day-surgery for my port-a-cath which I'm not excited about getting...having said that, though, my veins are already tender from all of the blood draws so I am glad to know there will be relief from that.
As I sat here writing this, I learned that my cancer is genetically aggressive enough to warrant my participation in the ISPY2 study if I choose to do it. The nurse is emailing me the consent forms now. Since I have tried (not always successfully) to take Kate's advice not to worry about the decisions not immediately in front of me I've only thought about this study in the most general terms. Now I have to really read up on it to know for sure it's the right decision for me. I did ask Dr. Wheeler (she of the 2d opinion) about what she knew and she was enthusiastic about the study, saying there's nothing terribly "controversial" about it and of course Dr. Chui at OHSU encouraged me to do it if I qualified the last time we spoke.
(I should note that this genetic analysis is NOT the same as the analysis that will determine whether or not I have the genetic mutation making me more prone to cancer....I should find that out later this week....)
All-in-all, I find myself being a little weepier these last handful of days. I'm sure the hormones I'm forcing on myself don't help matters, but I think the fears of the unknown are the bigger culprit.
Still I know that it's all going to be fine in the end, I just have those moments where I let the self-pity get the better of me.
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