Okay, okay, chemo, I GET IT: you suck!
The rumors about A/C are true--it is a rough ride. On the plus side, I'm only in my first week so I have all the cumulative effects to look forward to (she wrote, sarcastically)!
For fun, I thought I'd review from head to toe what this chemo is doing (and, beware fair reader--there may occasionally be more information than you wish...)
So starting up top:
Obviously I have lost my hair. I'm not cue-ball smooth, I still have random long wispy hairs that make me look weird. The hair loss has extended to a significant loss of eyebrow and lash. I am getting better at drawing in my brows. The eyelash loss is weird, because now when I put eyeliner on it just goops right down into my eyeball if I'm not careful. I have to say, wearing contacts is more challenging.
Nose--hair loss also extends to inside the nostrils. Great for not having to trim nose hair, but not so great when you consider that we all have a naturally occurring post-nasal drip and I have nothing to catch mine. So I have a runny nose and annoying cough most of the time! Awesome!
Mouth--mouth sores and the occasional weird metallic taste. Food taste is dulled as well--not that I can't taste food, I can--it's just not as tasty as I'm used to.
Skin--still enjoying the breakouts from the 'roids, although I think the graduated introduction of the steroids (taking them over the course of 4 days instead of 2) has helped a little bit with that.
Hands--my nail beds have dark bruises in them, and they are very tender. Additionally I have fumbly-fingers and numbness (neuropathy is one of the chemo side effects that can remain permanent--YEAH for ME!). Little things, like being able to type quick and effectively, are slowed down. Which is particularly annoying to me because I like to be able to type fast!
Gastro-intestinal--let's just sum this up by saying things are S-L-O-W in this area. I have to take supplements to keep things rolling, which is not always comfortable. Additionally, in the last 24 hours I have had wicked heartburn.
Feet--also starting to feel the neuropathy a bit, though not anything like the hands.
Overall, I feel like I have 100 pound weights strapped to me most of the time--it's just harder and takes more energy to move. I also have a general cob-webby feeling in my brain that results in my not firing on all cylinders. I don't like that at all. The last two nights I've awakened at 3 am, unable to fall back to sleep until (it seems) moments before my alarm goes off. Yesterday--for the FIRST TIME since this all began--I actually went home early from work just so I could lay in bed. I didn't even really sleep (though I would have liked to--my dozing was interrupted by skateboarders on the street below us...I did not shoot them) but just laying there felt good. I've also been pretty achy for the last couple of days so I'm downing tylenol / advil in an effort to get rid of the aches (which is working, I'm happy to report).
Now, a few "concessions" on my part: first, I'm not drinking enough water. I really need to get better about this. To that end, I ordered up some of that mint water online...I think I'll be more inclined to drink it that way. Second, I have not been exercising (sorry, I'm not getting up even earlier when I'm waking at 3) and I suspect if I could get back on that routine I would feel better. I NEED TO EXERCISE. But I'm so tired. It's tough--keep in mind that I'm still getting up and going to work 5 days a week, getting a 2-year-old ready for "school," bed, baths, etc. so it's not like I just lay around. I'm active, but there's not much left in the tank after that's all done. I did manage to water the yard Monday night, too...but I know Dr. Chui would be giving me a hard time (lucky for me the last several office appointments I've had have been with Nurse Practitioners who do not have the same high exercise standards!)
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE: I'm already 25% done with A/C, and I don't have to deal with it again until next Thursday, the 1st of September. But I'm wondering what the next week has in store for me as regards the side-effects and, even more so, what the next 7 weeks have in store as the chemo accumulates.
One other thing that I have to say about this is I can barely even feel the tumor anymore, which actually is awesome--no sarcasm at all there. This would all be so much harder if it wasn't working on the cancer...
I promise that the next 7 weeks of blog posts will not be this whiny, I'm going to pull out of this funk, I will not let the chemo defeat me! and all that...but today...
CHEMO SUCKS!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Saturday, August 20, 2011
The Same. Only Different...
So Thursday I started my new drugs: ADRIAMYCIN and CYTOXAN.
The pre- and post-treatment regimens are different. When I was doing Taxol, I took 20 mg of dexamethasone steroids the night before my treatment. As you may recall, the steroids were causing my breakouts so I was glad to learn from Dr. Chui that I didn't need to take them the night before anymore. Unfortunately, I still have to take the dexamethasone--I take it along with Zofran immediately prior to my treatment, and then I take 4 mg each morning the three days following the treatment. This is to attempt to fight nausea.
I also don't have to have the Benadryl before treatment anymore, which is great because I don't get all dopey. I get an IV of anti-nausea meds (the name of which I forget) before I get the AC.
The "A" half of the drug gets "pushed" in over a 15 minute period of time manually by the oncology nurse. She said this is really for people who don't have a port because the drug is so hard on the vein. But the introduction of the drug is the same regardless.
As you can see, the drug itself is red...and the red gets into your system...
Next they hang the "C" half of the bag which gets pumped in over a half hour period. So, although I'm getting two drugs now, it's faster than the Taxol was. And I'm not a dopey mess afterwards!
The day after my chemo, in addition to taking the Dexamethasone, I have to go in for my shot of NEULASTA.
All in all, I would say that although I feel better the day of chemo thanks to no Benadryl, I do not feel better in the days following the chemo. I am nauseous, though not vomiting. I feel the same sort of spacey-dehydrated that I did before. I'm puffier in the feet and hands. And I don't have much in the way of an appetite. I am eating, but I don't really want to...I'm also a bit more tired which is a bummer. As I type this, G & O are out enjoying the Jantzen Beach Merry-go-Round. I really wanted to go with them, but I couldn't get myself rolling.
I hope that resting through the weekend will give me the energy to get through the week. And the bonus is, I have two weeks between these treatments to gather my strength. PLUS: with only 4 treatments that means I'm already 25% done!
The pre- and post-treatment regimens are different. When I was doing Taxol, I took 20 mg of dexamethasone steroids the night before my treatment. As you may recall, the steroids were causing my breakouts so I was glad to learn from Dr. Chui that I didn't need to take them the night before anymore. Unfortunately, I still have to take the dexamethasone--I take it along with Zofran immediately prior to my treatment, and then I take 4 mg each morning the three days following the treatment. This is to attempt to fight nausea.
I also don't have to have the Benadryl before treatment anymore, which is great because I don't get all dopey. I get an IV of anti-nausea meds (the name of which I forget) before I get the AC.
The "A" half of the drug gets "pushed" in over a 15 minute period of time manually by the oncology nurse. She said this is really for people who don't have a port because the drug is so hard on the vein. But the introduction of the drug is the same regardless.
As you can see, the drug itself is red...and the red gets into your system...
Next they hang the "C" half of the bag which gets pumped in over a half hour period. So, although I'm getting two drugs now, it's faster than the Taxol was. And I'm not a dopey mess afterwards!
The day after my chemo, in addition to taking the Dexamethasone, I have to go in for my shot of NEULASTA.
All in all, I would say that although I feel better the day of chemo thanks to no Benadryl, I do not feel better in the days following the chemo. I am nauseous, though not vomiting. I feel the same sort of spacey-dehydrated that I did before. I'm puffier in the feet and hands. And I don't have much in the way of an appetite. I am eating, but I don't really want to...I'm also a bit more tired which is a bummer. As I type this, G & O are out enjoying the Jantzen Beach Merry-go-Round. I really wanted to go with them, but I couldn't get myself rolling.
I hope that resting through the weekend will give me the energy to get through the week. And the bonus is, I have two weeks between these treatments to gather my strength. PLUS: with only 4 treatments that means I'm already 25% done!
Monday, August 15, 2011
Life's a Beach
We went to the beach for the weekend to celebrate my being CHEMO FREE on Thursday. My sister and her husband joined us for what we hoped would be a fun weekend! It was their 10th wedding anniversary on Thursday so we were going to celebrate that, too.
G & B left early to get the place set up, and us girls and O followed after work. The drive there was great, but we were already pushing things with O arriving almost an hour past his bedtime and still needing to get him dinner. So, unfortunately, because his sleep schedule was so off he was very difficult to get to sleep that night...and as you parents of little ones know (and you parents of older ones can remember) once they're off their sleep schedule and in a strange place...well, to put it bluntly: you're screwed. The biggest problem was that he was sleeping in his Thomas the Tank Engine tent, as opposed to being "locked in" by the bars of a crib or netting of a pack'n'play so he just would not stay laying down! It was very frustrating and, as you might imagine, caused a little strain between Mommy and Daddy as we attempted to problem solve...but O is normally such a good sleeper that we are ill-equipped to deal with the opposite situation. SO: that was super fun.
Worse still, though, was that my sis and b-i-l got the call from his parents that their dog wasn't doing so well. They have already had to say good-bye to one dog this summer, and Jack has been sick for a while, but still. On Saturday night Jack passed away...so we had a sad Sunday morning.
All that having been said, it really was still nice to get away, and Saturday (once we all got a little sleep) was great. O had fun at the beach:
and the grownups had fun on Saturday as well. But I think it's safe to say we are all looking forward to our next weekend together when things will hopefully go more smoothly!
As for me, I am fighting a bit of a head cold. Nothing major but I was a bit achy yesterday until I took a few Tylenol. Hopefully by Thursday I'll be cleared up and ready for my 8 am appointment at the drip-drip-lounge and my new series of drugs. As you recall, the A/C is going to be administered in 4 cycles every other week so if I stay on schedule I will have treatments 8/18, 9/1, 9/15 & 9/29. On the Fridays after chemo I will have to go back to the doctor for my Neulasta shots...I had hoped I'd be able to self-administer the shots but unfortunately the insurance companies will only cover the cost if you go back in (which seems silly to me, but I've never spent a good deal of time trying to figure out insurance companies...)
Fingers and toes are crossed here in the hopes that I tolerate the A/C as well as I tolerated the Taxol...
Have a great week.
G & B left early to get the place set up, and us girls and O followed after work. The drive there was great, but we were already pushing things with O arriving almost an hour past his bedtime and still needing to get him dinner. So, unfortunately, because his sleep schedule was so off he was very difficult to get to sleep that night...and as you parents of little ones know (and you parents of older ones can remember) once they're off their sleep schedule and in a strange place...well, to put it bluntly: you're screwed. The biggest problem was that he was sleeping in his Thomas the Tank Engine tent, as opposed to being "locked in" by the bars of a crib or netting of a pack'n'play so he just would not stay laying down! It was very frustrating and, as you might imagine, caused a little strain between Mommy and Daddy as we attempted to problem solve...but O is normally such a good sleeper that we are ill-equipped to deal with the opposite situation. SO: that was super fun.
Worse still, though, was that my sis and b-i-l got the call from his parents that their dog wasn't doing so well. They have already had to say good-bye to one dog this summer, and Jack has been sick for a while, but still. On Saturday night Jack passed away...so we had a sad Sunday morning.
All that having been said, it really was still nice to get away, and Saturday (once we all got a little sleep) was great. O had fun at the beach:
 | |
| (it would have been more fun if Mom and Auntie F had let him shovel up the starfish, though) |
As for me, I am fighting a bit of a head cold. Nothing major but I was a bit achy yesterday until I took a few Tylenol. Hopefully by Thursday I'll be cleared up and ready for my 8 am appointment at the drip-drip-lounge and my new series of drugs. As you recall, the A/C is going to be administered in 4 cycles every other week so if I stay on schedule I will have treatments 8/18, 9/1, 9/15 & 9/29. On the Fridays after chemo I will have to go back to the doctor for my Neulasta shots...I had hoped I'd be able to self-administer the shots but unfortunately the insurance companies will only cover the cost if you go back in (which seems silly to me, but I've never spent a good deal of time trying to figure out insurance companies...)
Fingers and toes are crossed here in the hopes that I tolerate the A/C as well as I tolerated the Taxol...
Have a great week.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Is it All in My Head?
Yesterday was the worst I've felt physically since all this fun started.
My fingers hurt, my feet were falling asleep, my muscles feel like they've been over-exerted (they haven't), and I was bone-tired.....
I'm quite certain that this is mostly attributable to the cumulative effects of 12 weeks of Taxol, but I find myself wondering if some of it isn't at least psychological in the sense that I'm allowing myself a bit of a "let down."
The only thing I can compare it to, and this will sound odd at first, is a murder trial. When you try a big case (and in my office those tend to be the murder trials...) you spend months (sometimes years) thinking and preparing for it. In the weeks leading up to the trial that intensifies as you would expect and then during trial you are going-going-going, burning the candle at both ends, etc. Then just like that: trial is over. Your whole body relaxes. I remember after my first murder trial my much more experienced co-counsel advised me that I needed to up the Vitamin C and other preventative medicines because otherwise I'd probably get sick... It's something I've seen in my colleagues as well when a big case is over, your body which has been working overtime just becomes exhausted...
And there are always other cases waiting for you, it's not like our work goes away, but for a few days you just want to completely check out.
So here I sit, feeling totally wiped out. I am sure that most of that, as I said, is physically attributable to the Taxol itself. However, I also believe that some of it is attributable to the fact that I am allowing myself to "relax" more. I've been pushing and pushing through the Taxol, saying it's fine and I'm fine, and now that I'm done it's like I'm letting it all kick me in the a** at once.
I know that in a few days this will pass, and it will be onward and upward, but I think I'm going to allow myself to feel like this at least a little bit. Maybe it's part of what I need to do to heal up in preparation for the next round of drugs that they start me on August 18th, which is supposed to be tougher. I will receive two drugs at the same time for 4 treatments. The drugs are called Adriamycin and Cytoxin. Because they are more aggressive, I will also be receiving Neulasta shots during this series of treatments. Neulasta stimulates white blood cell production in the bone marrow so it has the common side effect of bone and muscle pain. (once again I find the thing designed to treat the side effects having its own crappy side effects!)
Instead of think too much about what is waiting for me around the bend, I'm going to just RELAX and be glad that the TAXOL is over, even if it means indulging myself in a few days of feeling a bit lower than normal.
My fingers hurt, my feet were falling asleep, my muscles feel like they've been over-exerted (they haven't), and I was bone-tired.....
I'm quite certain that this is mostly attributable to the cumulative effects of 12 weeks of Taxol, but I find myself wondering if some of it isn't at least psychological in the sense that I'm allowing myself a bit of a "let down."
The only thing I can compare it to, and this will sound odd at first, is a murder trial. When you try a big case (and in my office those tend to be the murder trials...) you spend months (sometimes years) thinking and preparing for it. In the weeks leading up to the trial that intensifies as you would expect and then during trial you are going-going-going, burning the candle at both ends, etc. Then just like that: trial is over. Your whole body relaxes. I remember after my first murder trial my much more experienced co-counsel advised me that I needed to up the Vitamin C and other preventative medicines because otherwise I'd probably get sick... It's something I've seen in my colleagues as well when a big case is over, your body which has been working overtime just becomes exhausted...
And there are always other cases waiting for you, it's not like our work goes away, but for a few days you just want to completely check out.
So here I sit, feeling totally wiped out. I am sure that most of that, as I said, is physically attributable to the Taxol itself. However, I also believe that some of it is attributable to the fact that I am allowing myself to "relax" more. I've been pushing and pushing through the Taxol, saying it's fine and I'm fine, and now that I'm done it's like I'm letting it all kick me in the a** at once.
I know that in a few days this will pass, and it will be onward and upward, but I think I'm going to allow myself to feel like this at least a little bit. Maybe it's part of what I need to do to heal up in preparation for the next round of drugs that they start me on August 18th, which is supposed to be tougher. I will receive two drugs at the same time for 4 treatments. The drugs are called Adriamycin and Cytoxin. Because they are more aggressive, I will also be receiving Neulasta shots during this series of treatments. Neulasta stimulates white blood cell production in the bone marrow so it has the common side effect of bone and muscle pain. (once again I find the thing designed to treat the side effects having its own crappy side effects!)
Instead of think too much about what is waiting for me around the bend, I'm going to just RELAX and be glad that the TAXOL is over, even if it means indulging myself in a few days of feeling a bit lower than normal.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
DONE (with one....)
Thursday was my last day of Taxol! To celebrate, I brought the nurses in oncology chocolates from Verdun Chocolates in the Pearl. Unfortunately, it was super crazy on Thursday, so I'm not sure any of the nurses really got to relax and enjoy the treats, but it's the thought that counts I guess.
Normally I would have posted this on Friday, but it was a crazy day at work. After work, I joined my family at a fundraiser for Yolanda House, a YWCA Battered Women's shelter. Yolanda's uncle is a long-time family friend, and she was murdered in the 90s. Her family worked hard in the years after her death to open the shelter and my family has done things to support it in the years since. Last night was their first auction and I'm happy to report that they raised a lot of money for the shelter! It also meant a late night for me last night so I am very tired today.
Nonetheless, I do have a feeling of satisfaction knowing that I've hit one milestone on this cancer journey...the next step begins August 18th and who knows what is in store then but for now I'm just going to be glad to be DONE WITH ONE!
Normally I would have posted this on Friday, but it was a crazy day at work. After work, I joined my family at a fundraiser for Yolanda House, a YWCA Battered Women's shelter. Yolanda's uncle is a long-time family friend, and she was murdered in the 90s. Her family worked hard in the years after her death to open the shelter and my family has done things to support it in the years since. Last night was their first auction and I'm happy to report that they raised a lot of money for the shelter! It also meant a late night for me last night so I am very tired today.
Nonetheless, I do have a feeling of satisfaction knowing that I've hit one milestone on this cancer journey...the next step begins August 18th and who knows what is in store then but for now I'm just going to be glad to be DONE WITH ONE!
Monday, August 1, 2011
Congrats to M & C!
On this Monday morning I am tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeddddd. However, it is for a great reason: on Saturday we hustled out of town to attend a wedding in Central Oregon, then turned around and came back home yesterday. I love Central Oregon so much, I am kicking myself that we couldn't use the wedding as an excuse to spend longer than a night there.
Congrats to M & C on their wedding. We had a wonderful time celebrating with them. O danced the night away and I just tried to keep up with him! Sunday morning we awoke to baby bunnies and quail scampering about outside of our townhouse. O really wanted to get his hands on one of those rabbits!!
Here is a photo of O & I at the reception:
Thursday was my 11th Taxol treatment! ALMOST DONE (with that one). The neuropathy is starting to be a real bummer during the weekends so I've started a supplement called L-glutamine to help. I'm afraid I should have started it weeks ago, but we'll see if it helps at all now.
My other side effects remain minimal. I did have another bloody nose after the wedding on Saturday night, but such is life....
Friday we had dinner with friends and then O and their daughter played in a nearby fountain at one of Portland's famous parks.
That's about it from here. I am so excited to think that in four days I will be able to check one of the boxes off on my "Cancer To-Do List."
Congrats to M & C on their wedding. We had a wonderful time celebrating with them. O danced the night away and I just tried to keep up with him! Sunday morning we awoke to baby bunnies and quail scampering about outside of our townhouse. O really wanted to get his hands on one of those rabbits!!
Here is a photo of O & I at the reception:
Thursday was my 11th Taxol treatment! ALMOST DONE (with that one). The neuropathy is starting to be a real bummer during the weekends so I've started a supplement called L-glutamine to help. I'm afraid I should have started it weeks ago, but we'll see if it helps at all now.
My other side effects remain minimal. I did have another bloody nose after the wedding on Saturday night, but such is life....
Friday we had dinner with friends and then O and their daughter played in a nearby fountain at one of Portland's famous parks.
That's about it from here. I am so excited to think that in four days I will be able to check one of the boxes off on my "Cancer To-Do List."
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