A Vague Sense of Things to Come

On Monday I met with Dr. Chui primarily just to check in.

He told me that the doctors had met to discuss my case and that I will be having my reconstructive surgery first (sometime after the first of the year) to be followed by the radiation treatments. 

Because we are waiting to start the radiation treatments, Dr. Chui started me on the tamoxifen Monday.  I am supposed to expect heat flashes as a result of this medication...haven't had one yet but sometimes it can take several weeks for it to "peak" and then hopefully mellow out.  There are other potential side effects, none of which are common or exciting enough to detail here and now.

I am also signed up for a clinical trial to study the effects of metformin vs placebo on recurrence and survival in early stage breast cancer.  Metformin is a drug normally used to treat diabetes, but there is some evidence that it can lower the ability of breast cancer cells to grow...I won't know if I'm getting the metformin or a placebo, but it can't hurt me either way so I figure I'll give it a shot.

The radiation treatments will begin about 2 weeks after my reconstructive surgery, and last 6-1/2 weeks, Monday through Friday. 

Today I go in for my first "fill" of the tissue expanders.  I have heard it compared to getting one's braces tightened, so: it won't be fun or comfy, but it won't be worse than what I've already been through.

And Friday...oh, Friday can't come soon enough!  On Friday, O, my sister and I board a plane headed for MAUI.  One glorious week in Hawaii awaits (we had scheduled this trip a year ago, before I even knew what was in store for me this year).  G has to stay home, having changed jobs in April of this year and not yet having enough vacation accrued...so he'll hold down the fort while I put my feet up and let my parents and sister spoil me and O!

I'll post a picture of the sunset next week.  Until then...have a great weekend.  Hope you're all doing a better job decorating for the holidays than I am. 

Happy Turkey Day

Hope you and yours had a wonderful and relaxing day.

Thought I'd share something that came in the mail earlier this week...I couldn't help but laugh:

Back to the Grind, part 2

Monday the 21st I returned to work.  It was a pretty uneventful day--two court hearings and some time at my desk.  If anything, the driving made me the most sore.

Since it's a slow week, I was able to take Tuesday off which was nice.  It gave me a chance to recharge.  I slept A LOT, so I guess Monday did take more out of me than I thought at the time.

I'm back today, Wednesday, and will work most of the day today with just one court hearing this afternoon.  Then a quick trip to the grocery store.

For Thanksgiving, we are having my sis and bro-in-law over to the house.  We've ordered our dinner from a local restaurant and pies from a local bakery to be picked up in the morning.  No cooking for this girl!  (Full disclosure: we usually order or Thanksgiving dinner from a local store or deli, because we work on Friday...so if Thanksgiving is truly going to be relaxing, why cook?  I'd rather watch football!)

And I'll head back to work Friday, while G & O stay home and party.

All in all, a good week to return to work.  My co-workers did a fantastic job staying on top of my caseload for me so there have been no major fires for me to put out since I've been back.  How will I ever repay them, seriously?

Back to the Grind

Tomorrow I will head back to work.

I haven't tried driving a card yet, so we shall see how that goes.  I will go to my desk, then to a court appearance at 9:00.  Then back to my desk and another court appearance at 1:30.

Right now, my plan is to go home after that 1:30 appearance.  By then I'll know if returning to the office was a huge mistake, and if I can work on Tuesday as well.

I'm still pretty sore, but I am definitely improving.  I am able to sit up for long periods of time, I can play with O for longer and longer, and I've even done a little laundry and picking up of toys.  So hopefully that means I'll be able to make it through a half day of work.  And it will be good for me: I've been suffering a bit from having an idle mind...and Google has not been my friend lately so it's time my mind was occupied with things other than Stage 3 Cancer!

Crying Jag!

Today is November 14th...the day I thought I'd be back to work before all of this started.  Last week, I realized that the goal of today wasn't realistic, but maybe I'd be better by Wednesday...but even that feels too optimistic at this point.

I really hate this feeling of being physically limited!  I doubt at this point I could even drive a car although I DO think I'll be able to do that by next week....

Last night (and then again this morning) I cried and cried about these feelings of being so limited.  It goes without saying that the hardest part of this is not being able to play with and care for O like I have in the past.  Not returning to work is also tough, and I dreaded sending an email today to my co-workers this morning about my delayed return.  I know that they expected it would be longer than I did, so I'm sure it came as no surprise to them...but I still hated admitting it.

Today I may even try to go shopping with G's Mom, my Mom and O.  It will be my first "outing" but I think it will be good for me to get out and be a bit more active.

But first: a nap.

Saddest 3 Words Ever

"Mommy all better?"

Yep, O asks that every day.  It makes me feel awful.  He does come up to see me as I hang out upstairs in our bedroom.  He will even occasionally sit next to me for a period of time and watch a movie or play on the iPad, so we are getting some quality time.

But I hate not getting to pick him up.

So, I'll tell you what I tell O: Not yet, but I'm getting better!

Yesterday I went to my parents' house with them and my Aunt B and Uncle M came over for a nice visit.  It was good to see them.  All I did was lay on the couch the whole time we were there, but I was definitely more tired and sore as a result of my big adventure.

In fact, I slept a lot more today.  I also tried to go a stretch without prescription painkillers.  Not quite there yet, but the time between doses is longer and longer, so I guess that's some progress.  I'm actually pretty amazed at how sore I still am, almost 2 weeks later.  It's not pleasant.  I had originally hoped to return to work Monday the 14th but I've already determined that's unlikely....I do think I can make it in next week though!  We shall see.

I promise: I'm not pushing myself.

Updates from Thursday's Appointments

Thursday was a big day of follow-up appointments with Dr. Chui (the oncologist), Dr. Naik (the breast surgeon) & Dr. Hansen (the plastic surgeon).

As far as those appointments went, I learned the source of my gastrointestinal distress is a little something called C-Diff.  While my situation is nowhere near as bad as it was when I posted last week, I am still experiencing some of the effects of c-diff (which I was told to expect....) at least a few times a day.  I have to say, it is frustrating to be trying to recover and get my strength up when it seems like nothing I eat stays in my system for very long.  On Thursday night, in fact, I even threw up my dinner...but I haven't thrown up again (knock on wood for me!) so that is at least some consolation in the stomach department.

I also learned the results of the pathology exam from my surgery.  We all knew that the left breast had cancer and that was certainly confirmed.  Likewise, my sentinel node had cancer and that was confirmed.  12 other lymph nodes were removed and they were all cancer-free which is certainly cause for celebration.

However, despite that, I met Dr. Marquez on Thursday as well, who says that my pathology, along with my age, require radiation treatments now too.  I was really disappointed to learn this.  First off, I just had in my mind that I'd get my implants after the first of the year and this was all going to be over with, so psychologically it's a let down to know that's not the case.  But more than that, the side effects of and time commitment to radiation are nothing to thumb your nose at.

Radiation is a daily treatment for six-and-a-half weeks.  (Full disclosure: I think I get weekends off...but I am not 100% sure).  Because of the location that will be radiated (specifically the proximity to my heart) they do a slower, shallower kind of radiation that takes about a half-an-hour as opposed to the more common radiation that takes about 5 minutes.  The radiation will scar about 20% of my lungs, so my career as a marathoner is over (ha ha).  It will also effect the elasticity of my skin in a way that will make my implant on the left side never sit naturally or as well as it would have otherwise.  And, finally, there will be fatigue.  A fatigue, according the radiologist, that is different than the chemo fatigue and in many ways more profound.  She said that the fatigue is worse at the end of each week and of course cumulatively worse throughout the treatment as well.

I cannot help but think of my co-workers--this whole time we've all been thinking I'd be back 100% by mid-December and this throws a total wrench in the works.  ESPECIALLY because right now, I can't even tell anyone when the treatments will start and stop, what time of day they will be, etc.

All that aside, the physical recovery from the surgery is slow but sure.  My drain tubes were removed on Thursday as well which was a HUGE relief.  As you might imagine, those added a great deal of discomfort and maintenance.  If I were to describe how I felt physically, it would be: very limited in movement and range, I feel a decent amount of pain though that is managed well with painkillers, and I feel like I'm wearing the world's tightest sports bra or ace bandage or something--it's just so, so tight around my chest it's almost indescribable.  I was told to expect it, so I'm not surprised, but it's difficult to put into words.

Tomorrow I hope to start really doing my physical therapy in an effort to loosen things up.  We'll see how it goes!

Quick Post: Good News / Bad News

So, in my previous post I mentioned that the antibiotics prescribed to me (Keflex / Cephalexin) might had resulted in some diarrhea.

I kind of understated that. I won't go into tremendous detail here, but let me put it to you this way: explosive diarrhea + a sore post-surgical body = my first investment in adult diapers...and I'm embarrassed to say it was not a waste in money.

Yesterday I was sent into the lab for some testing. I took a nap, woke up, and unloaded such a sample here I didn't know what I'd have left when I arrived at the lab. It turned out to not be much, but the lab assistant said it should be.

(Let's imagine together, for a moment, how awesome that little exchange was for him? Somewhere he's writing in his "I Wish I'd Just Gone to Med School" blog: A cancer patient came in today to provide a sample. We always offer our assistance and this chick, mercifully, turned us down. I could hear her through the door, though, struggling with the container and I was feeling kind of bad laughing every time the toilet flushed. I mean, really, whose idea was it to put auto-flushing toilets in a bathroom designed for specimen collections? When she came out and asked if her sample was a sufficient size I admit I had to a little fun with her by asking if it also contained urine? She said she tried really hard to keep the urine out, and I decided to let her off the hook and say it looked fine....)

ANYWAY: it was sufficient because I got a call from Dr. Hansen last night at about 8:45 telling me that she needed to switch me to Flagyl because the Cephalexin had promoted a bacteria resulting in the diarrhea. We found a pharmacy open until 10, she called it in, and my Dad headed out the door to go get it for me.

A side note here: G was already in bed, asleep when she called. He has had a long couple of days and nights. In addition to sitting in the hospital waiting for my surgery, worrying about how he was going to even tell me about the lymph node, etc, he has also had to sleep in bed with me...my parents have the guest bed. Sharing a bed with me is NORMALLY not a chore but I've been up several times throughout the night for long stretches of time which is disrupting his sleep. And his presence in the room during a pre-diaper incident, well...he didn't gag or anything (which he sometimes does with the dog and O!) Despite all of this, he started to get up to make the pharmacy run even though my Dad was awake and dressed.

He was really glad to have let my Dad make that run when his pager started going off at about 2, resulting in G leaving the house...

It still sucks more to be me than him, but when he left for work today I felt like it's the closest we've been in the race since we've started.

That's about it for now...the only real question now is: Flagyl, what have YOU got in store for me?