Radiation Simulation

Yesterday I had two appointments:

First, I met with Dr. Hansen, my plastic surgeon, who seemed surprised that I was already back at work and pleased that things are going well.  I'm healing nicely, apparently.  I have some exercises to keep the scar tissue that can build up around the implants at bay.  Apparently, during radiation as my skin becomes more sensitive this gets harder to do but is all the more important then because of the potential for the area around the implant to harden, making things look less natural (than they already do...)  Dr. Hansen is really the sweetest!  I am so lucky to have her as my plastic surgeon.  I know that anytime I have any concerns at all she's just a phone call away.

Next, I headed up the hill for my Radiation Simulation.  At this appointment, they marked my chest up with markers, put stickers all over me, and gave me a CT scan.  After that, I was given three little tattoos--just little black dots--one on my chest, and one on each rib cage.  You know, in college I was going to get a tattoo with a friend...and now I'm really glad I didn't.  It was unpleasant, and I still feel a little bruised from it today!

I also got my first radiation appointment scheduled, I will start Tuesday, February 7th.  Radiation is M-F for six-and-a-half weeks, so that means that I will be done by March 23rd if we stay on schedule.  That is two weeks shy of my date of diagnosis.  Dr. Chui and I talked about what is in store for me after that--I thought, for example, I'd have semi-annual CT scans and / or bone scans and / or MRIs.  Not so, says he.  Because those all involve radiation, they have their own dangers.  Dr. Chui's position is that if I ever have symptoms that lead him to believe I'm metastatic, the timing of the discovery won't matter, it will be the "treatability" of the metastasis.  In other words: I could come in with a grapefruit-sized tumor that he could completely shrink with chemo or I could come in with a speck of cancer on a bone that grows like crazy despite chemo, and then we'll know if I'll be able to "live with cancer" for a long time or not.  I don't really like thinking about this.  At all.  I find myself wondering if the anxiety about this will ever go away.  I have to imagine that with each passing year of cancer-free-ness my mind will be more at ease, but (as Tom Petty says) the Waiting is the HARDEST Part!

In other news, my Mom is still staying at the house as I get to a point where I can safely lift little O.  This is great in all aspects but one, and that is O's strong preference for his GRANNY!  (I know he'd have these phases even if we weren't going through all of this, I do--but it's still no fun for me.)  G has been down sick with a flu or really bad cold since Sunday (today is his first day back to work, and he still sounded horrible this morning) so having my Mom around has been even more helpful!  BUT I think that we'll go "back to normal" next week and see how we do...if O and Granny can handle being apart!

In other, other news, I have a new obsesh: DOWNTON ABBEY.  Thanks to co-worker JH for encouraging me to watch it.  I had thought about watching it, but his enthusiasm for the show pushed me over the edge.  Last week, Mom and I watched the first season in a 2-day marathon...and then I watched the new season's episodes online so I'm all caught up.  LOVE IT.  Highly recommend, whether you're recovering from a surgery or not!

That's about it from here!!!

It's Not That Bad

There's not much to report, except to say that the surgery went really well and I'm not in much pain.  I'm tired and tender, but compared to how I felt before this is NOTHING.

Thanks everyone for your notes.  We are just plugging along, and I'll be back to normal before you know it!

Happy New Year

Last week I had my last fill of my tissue expanders before my surgery in two weeks.  Before I started getting fills, Dr. Chui had told me that sometimes his patients could barely even lift their arms to shake his hand after a fill...After my first two fills I thought that was really weird.  However, my last two fills were a completely different story--SO SORE.  I now understand what he was talking about.  And it's not that the skin feels stretched, it's the pressure INSIDE the chest cavity that is unbearable.  The expanders press down on your rib cage, which makes me short of breath and makes my back have muscle spasms, too...

BUT: no more fills so even though today, 4 days later, I'm still sore...I'm not going to complain (anymore.  About that).

Some people have asked how the fill even happens--the expander has a metal port in it.  The doctor uses this little magnet to find the port:

 ...and then she "marks" the spot with this:

After that, some betadyne gets swabbed on and then a needle is inserted through the skin into the port.  Thanks to the mastectomy, the skin is very numb so I don't feel the needle going in despite the fact that it's about an inch long.  Here's a picture I found on the internet to demonstrate...I don't know if my expander looks exactly like this or not:

This weekend was very mellow.  I was a little bit misty on New Year's Eve reflecting on what this year ended up being for me.  It started out with a trip to watch the Ducks lose the National Title and it went downhill from there.  On the other hand, O grew another year and is a constant source of joy and amusement, and I have experienced the love and support of friends and family that normally one wouldn't feel.  So even though 75% of 2011 sucked, there were many bright spots during that suck-i-tude.

I know better than to tempt fate by saying it couldn't be worse.  It could be.  A LOT.  I know that.  BUT: it wasn't fun.  And at least 25% of 2012 is going to suck too.

The good news is that I'm still here, the cancer isn't going to kill me today, or tomorrow, or the day after that...(and so on)....and I have a beautiful son and loving husband and friends and family to remind me to keep my chin up and keep on fighting.

I can't WAIT to be done with all of this!

Until then, Happy New Year to you, from us: