On Friday I ran into a defense attorney friend of mine who started to ask, "How are you doing?" but he stopped himself and instead said, "That's a stupid question--hope you're hanging in there."
I have to say, it was AWESOME to not have to answer that question. Because here's the thing: I want to tell you I'm hanging in there, doing great, etc., and I think that's what you want to hear.
Truth is, every day after A/C is a struggle. Not a 24-7 struggle, but as I've already described I'm exhausted and I just don't feel good. Do I have the worst of the worst side effects? No. Will I survive this? Yes. Do I need more and more help to make it through the day? Yes. Do I like feeling dependent on the kindness of others? No.
Also, if I were going to start to tell you the truth about how I'm doing, there exists an ever-increasing chance I'll start to CRY when I talk to you about it, too. Yep, I'm getting weepier by the day, just one more thing I hate about all of this. I think the weepiness is directly correlated to the exhaustion. I'm just raw and the defenses are completely down...
Speaking of weepy, my friend Janet ran with another friend today in the Race for the Cure with a sign that said, "Shuffling for Heidi." Teachers in O's daycare class also walked the event today. These sweet gestures ALSO make me weepy, but in a good way. So congratulations and my thanks to the people who were at the race today maybe not just because of me, but who thought of me while they were doing it. Next year I hope to join you.
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