Semantics

Things right now are pretty simple.  I have yet to experience any side effects from the Tamoxifen (Dr. Chui said most patients don't for about 6-8 weeks...)  So I just go in from time to time and have needles stuck in my tissue expanders and saline added until I get the size I want to be for reconstruction.

My reconstructive surgery is scheduled for January 17 and it is an outpatient procedure.  Dr. Hansen, my plastic surgeon, says the recovery is a "walk in the park" compared to what I've already experienced....here's hoping the anti-biotics don't cause a recurrence a c-diff!

Then, about two weeks after the reconstruction, my radiation treatments will begin: Monday through Friday for six-and-a-half weeks.  The good news in all of this is that if everything goes according to plan I'll be done with my treatments (except for the Tamoxifen) inside of a year of my diagnosis.

And in other news: my hair is coming back nice and thick everywhere except my eyelashes (which, aside from my head, is probably the one place I wish it would come back super thick!)  My fingernail is about 2/3rds grown out at this point...things are recovering nicely....

So I recently started thinking: Do I have cancer or should I say I've had cancer?  I mean, my hope is that I had it--that at this point it's all eradicated from my body. 

While I realize that it's really semantics, in some ways it really isn't!  The weirdest thing is I don't want to say it in past tense because I don't want to tempt the fates, kharma, or what/whomever I might be tempting to slap me down and teach me a lesson.  I'm oddly superstitious that way (you should see me when the Cowboys play...)

I guess until my treatments are over I'll just go with HAVING it, present tense, because the medical professionals are still behaving as though I do and that's good enough for me.

In other news, we had a Holiday Party at work last Friday night.  It was great catching up with co-workers and spouses (even if it meant talking A LOT about cancer...) I do okay talking about everything up until the topic of having another child comes up.  SO: NEW RULE: unless you want to talk to me about being a surrogate for Greg & I, I cannot engage in talk of having another child...it's too upsetting for me right now.

Also, I shouldn't be listening to Judy Garland sing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" this year.  Even though it's my favorite, and she's my favorite, it pretty much makes me cry every time.  Better to sing "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas!"