Like Mother, Like Cancer

I am a lazy person, just like my cancer has been described.

Now, I have done some form of activity or exercise every day since I started chemo two weeks ago so I don't mean lazy in that regard (at least....I haven't been lazy....yet.)

However, there are certain things I am lazy about.  Last night, my Dad forwarded me an amazing email from a woman who is a BC survivor.  She included links to scholarly journal articles about chemo (titled:  "Designing an Individually Tailored Cancer Treatment Utilizing Advanced CTC [Circulating Tumor
Cell] Molecular Analysis"), and about anesthesia protocols during surgery and pain management after the surgery (basically, morphine and opioids, commonly used in all surgeries [and after] to control pain, fuel cancer cell growth through several different mechanisms.)

So here's the problem: I can't bring myself today to open these documents up, read them, and advocate for myself as I feel necessary.  I'm apparently too lazy!  Is this crazy?  I feel like it is!  I feel like I should be devouring any information like this (especially because this particular woman actually was treated by Dr. Johnson--the second opinion surgeon I really liked--who worked with the anesthesiologist to design a completely different pain medication plan for this woman...so I know she's not totally crazy!) and yet I cannot bring myself to do it. 

I am torn about what this means.  Am I lazy?  Or, have I chosen to turn over my care to people who are smarter than I am?  And if that's the case, am I being TOO trusting?  There's a part of me that feels like if I question too much I am going to personally offend my doctors.  I think this is probably silly, but these are the thoughts bumping around in my mind as I re-read the email sent last night.

My plan is this: next week I have office time with Dr. Chui anyway, so I'm going to forward him the email now and ask that we discuss it next week.  In the meantime, I'll try to rub the sleep out of my eyes, do some jumping jacks, and read what's been sent to me!


Oh, and I should at least mention that after having had it recommended to me by multiple sources, I am reading the Pulitzer Prize Winning "The Emperor of All Maladies: A Biography of Cancer" (http://www.amazon.com/Emperor-All-Maladies-Biography-Cancer/dp/1439107955) so I'm not a complete slouch.  It is an amazing book.  I'd recommend it to anyone who wants to learn the history of cancer and the evolution of the treatments of cancer.  It is not light reading by any stretch of the imagination, but particularly if you find yourself in my shoes (or knowing someone in them) it can be empowering to learn how far the medical community has come! 


This afternoon Round 3 of my Taxol begins.  I'm trying to start a Chemo Day ritual--in the mornings I have a vanilla latte from Barista (seriously, the highest-fallutin' coffee in a town full of high-fallutin' coffee) and a pastry from Nuvrei bakery. Mmmmmmm.  Delish.  I will keep this going unless/until the nausea ruins it for me (which it hasn't yet.  I spend a lot of time knocking on wood these days after such statements...)
 
My Mom is joining me for her first trip to OHSU's Lovely Cancer Center at the Center for Health and Healing.  She is in for a real treat: as soon as I'm hooked up my earplugs go in and I check out.  Season 2, Episode 9 of "The Good Wife" is waiting for me!


ttfn