Wednesday, February 8, 2012

One down, Twenty-Seven to Go

Before I begin a retelling of yesterday's adventure, I wanted to show you the room where my "simulation" took place last week--





That's where I laid last week to be measured and scanned, scanned and measured, tattooed and so on...

Yesterday, I checked in at 12:30 and first met with Dr. Marquez's nurse.  She took me through what a typical radiation day looks like: check in at the front desk, head to the "sub-waiting area" where I will put my belongings in a locker and change into a robe (it's almost like a spa) and wait for my Radiation Team Members to come get me for my fun.  I learned that any lotion with CALENDULA as a primary ingredient will be my best friend, and that I should use it from day one even though my skin won't hurt at first.  Basically, I'm to act as though the area being radiated has a horrible sunburn--no super hot water, blot with towels to dry, etc etc etc.

So off to the sub-waiting area I went, changing into my robe.  Each radiation machine has its own team of therapists, so I met a few of mine yesterday.  Here is a picture of what the machine looks like:


I lay down on the table there and it can move as well as the machine around me.  The only thing missing from this picture is the bars that I have to hold onto with my hands so that my arms stay lifted up.  Also, they put a little wedge underneath my knees for comfort (spa!).

I should mention here that the type of radiation I'm getting is called "Intensity-Modulated Radiation Therapy" or "IMRT" for short.  Here is a brief description of how it works:

     Intensity-modulated radiation therapy (IMRT) is an advanced mode of high-precision radiotherapy that utilizes computer-controlled linear accelerators to deliver precise radiation doses to a malignant tumor or specific areas within the tumor. IMRT allows for the radiation dose to conform more precisely to the three-dimensional (3-D) shape of the tumor by modulating—or controlling—the intensity of the radiation beam in multiple small volumes. IMRT also allows higher radiation doses to be focused to regions within the tumor while minimizing the dose to surrounding normal critical structures. Treatment is carefully planned by using 3-D computed tomography (CT) or magnetic resonance (MRI) images of the patient in conjunction with computerized dose calculations to determine the dose intensity pattern that will best conform to the tumor shape. Typically, combinations of multiple intensity-modulated fields coming from different beam directions produce a custom tailored radiation dose that maximizes tumor dose while also minimizing the dose to adjacent normal tissues.
     Because the ratio of normal tissue dose to tumor dose is reduced to a minimum with the IMRT approach, higher and more effective radiation doses can safely be delivered to tumors with fewer side effects compared with conventional radiotherapy techniques. IMRT also has the potential to reduce treatment toxicity, even when doses are not increased. Due to its complexity, IMRT does require slightly longer daily treatment times and additional planning and safety checks before the patient can start the treatment than conventional radiotherapy.

     Radiation therapy, including IMRT, stops cancer cells from dividing and growing, thus slowing or stopping tumor growth. In many cases, radiation therapy is capable of killing all of the cancer cells, thus shrinking or eliminating tumors.

Yesterday was a longer session because it was my first on the machine and adjustments get made.  They also lay a bolus across the side of my body being treated.  It looks like this:



The round part at the top of the machine in the photo above moves around and there are little metal bars inside of that that adjust themselves...Here is a picture.  I wish I could find a video because it's actually kind of cool to watch:






There is no pain from the radiation (unless you count my arms falling asleep and / or my head hurting because it has to be turned to the right to avoid severe esophageal burns...) during the treatment itself.  Of course, the skin burning and hardening could eventually be uncomfortable, but only time will tell on that.  It doesn't hurt today.

Finally, I met with Dr. Marquez after the treatment.  I will meet with her each Tuesday after my treatments.  She told me planning my treatment was difficult because of the spread of the area that needed to be covered.  She was happy to report that my heart will not get much radiation, but disappointed to report that 35% of my left lung will get radiated.  She has had two other patients similar to me, and both have experienced shortness of breath, etc, for about a year after treatment.  She expressed concern that it could affect my ability to argue for long periods of time in court....but I'm sure most judges and defense attorneys will be thrilled that I'll have to learn to be more succinct!  Not shockingly, Greg was also not distressed to hear the news of my potentially having to speak less and in shorter sentences.

The lung radiation also increases my risk of lung cancer, but she said that's really only a concern if I smoke or am exposed to second-hand smoke so...SMOKERS: you're now going to have to quit.  HAM I'm looking at you!  (I love you!!!)

They were able to schedule my treatments around my schedule.  I printed out 8 weeks from my work calendar, and highlighted the things I had to go to, and they worked around everything.  It was great.  (And, I think one of the team members in particular felt at that point we were kindred-highlighting-nerd-spirits!)

The only thing about this that is worse than chemo (so far) is that it is EVERY FREAKING DAY.  The reality of that set in yesterday.  EVERY DAY I have to drive up the hill for this treatment, find parking, take the elevator, check in, change my clothes, lay on a cold hard table for 20-30 minutes....E V E R Y  D A Y.  That is just so unexciting to me.  BUT: now that it's started, I'm that much closer to being done so there's the silver lining!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Radiation Simulation

Yesterday I had two appointments:

First, I met with Dr. Hansen, my plastic surgeon, who seemed surprised that I was already back at work and pleased that things are going well.  I'm healing nicely, apparently.  I have some exercises to keep the scar tissue that can build up around the implants at bay.  Apparently, during radiation as my skin becomes more sensitive this gets harder to do but is all the more important then because of the potential for the area around the implant to harden, making things look less natural (than they already do...)  Dr. Hansen is really the sweetest!  I am so lucky to have her as my plastic surgeon.  I know that anytime I have any concerns at all she's just a phone call away.

Next, I headed up the hill for my Radiation Simulation.  At this appointment, they marked my chest up with markers, put stickers all over me, and gave me a CT scan.  After that, I was given three little tattoos--just little black dots--one on my chest, and one on each rib cage.  You know, in college I was going to get a tattoo with a friend...and now I'm really glad I didn't.  It was unpleasant, and I still feel a little bruised from it today!

I also got my first radiation appointment scheduled, I will start Tuesday, February 7th.  Radiation is M-F for six-and-a-half weeks, so that means that I will be done by March 23rd if we stay on schedule.  That is two weeks shy of my date of diagnosis.  Dr. Chui and I talked about what is in store for me after that--I thought, for example, I'd have semi-annual CT scans and / or bone scans and / or MRIs.  Not so, says he.  Because those all involve radiation, they have their own dangers.  Dr. Chui's position is that if I ever have symptoms that lead him to believe I'm metastatic, the timing of the discovery won't matter, it will be the "treatability" of the metastasis.  In other words: I could come in with a grapefruit-sized tumor that he could completely shrink with chemo or I could come in with a speck of cancer on a bone that grows like crazy despite chemo, and then we'll know if I'll be able to "live with cancer" for a long time or not.  I don't really like thinking about this.  At all.  I find myself wondering if the anxiety about this will ever go away.  I have to imagine that with each passing year of cancer-free-ness my mind will be more at ease, but (as Tom Petty says) the Waiting is the HARDEST Part!

In other news, my Mom is still staying at the house as I get to a point where I can safely lift little O.  This is great in all aspects but one, and that is O's strong preference for his GRANNY!  (I know he'd have these phases even if we weren't going through all of this, I do--but it's still no fun for me.)  G has been down sick with a flu or really bad cold since Sunday (today is his first day back to work, and he still sounded horrible this morning) so having my Mom around has been even more helpful!  BUT I think that we'll go "back to normal" next week and see how we do...if O and Granny can handle being apart!

In other, other news, I have a new obsesh: DOWNTON ABBEY.  Thanks to co-worker JH for encouraging me to watch it.  I had thought about watching it, but his enthusiasm for the show pushed me over the edge.  Last week, Mom and I watched the first season in a 2-day marathon...and then I watched the new season's episodes online so I'm all caught up.  LOVE IT.  Highly recommend, whether you're recovering from a surgery or not!

That's about it from here!!!

Thursday, January 19, 2012

It's Not That Bad

There's not much to report, except to say that the surgery went really well and I'm not in much pain.  I'm tired and tender, but compared to how I felt before this is NOTHING.

Thanks everyone for your notes.  We are just plugging along, and I'll be back to normal before you know it!

Monday, January 2, 2012

Happy New Year

Last week I had my last fill of my tissue expanders before my surgery in two weeks.  Before I started getting fills, Dr. Chui had told me that sometimes his patients could barely even lift their arms to shake his hand after a fill...After my first two fills I thought that was really weird.  However, my last two fills were a completely different story--SO SORE.  I now understand what he was talking about.  And it's not that the skin feels stretched, it's the pressure INSIDE the chest cavity that is unbearable.  The expanders press down on your rib cage, which makes me short of breath and makes my back have muscle spasms, too...

BUT: no more fills so even though today, 4 days later, I'm still sore...I'm not going to complain (anymore.  About that).

Some people have asked how the fill even happens--the expander has a metal port in it.  The doctor uses this little magnet to find the port:

 ...and then she "marks" the spot with this:


After that, some betadyne gets swabbed on and then a needle is inserted through the skin into the port.  Thanks to the mastectomy, the skin is very numb so I don't feel the needle going in despite the fact that it's about an inch long.  Here's a picture I found on the internet to demonstrate...I don't know if my expander looks exactly like this or not:



This weekend was very mellow.  I was a little bit misty on New Year's Eve reflecting on what this year ended up being for me.  It started out with a trip to watch the Ducks lose the National Title and it went downhill from there.  On the other hand, O grew another year and is a constant source of joy and amusement, and I have experienced the love and support of friends and family that normally one wouldn't feel.  So even though 75% of 2011 sucked, there were many bright spots during that suck-i-tude.

I know better than to tempt fate by saying it couldn't be worse.  It could be.  A LOT.  I know that.  BUT: it wasn't fun.  And at least 25% of 2012 is going to suck too.

The good news is that I'm still here, the cancer isn't going to kill me today, or tomorrow, or the day after that...(and so on)....and I have a beautiful son and loving husband and friends and family to remind me to keep my chin up and keep on fighting.

I can't WAIT to be done with all of this!

Until then, Happy New Year to you, from us:

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas!

Hope you are all having a Merry Christmas.

We certainly have had a busy weekend.  Friday my parents and I took O to get his picture taken with Santa and then to Zoo Lights.  Last night was our Big Extended Family Christmas Eve, and today we stayed home and had the party come to us.

O got everything he asked for from Santa Claus and then some, and now he's happily sleeping.  He's been fighting a cold that I really hope I don't get since I have my surgery in a few weeks!

Here is a photo of us opening presents this morning--check out ALL my hair!  (It's still short enough that a waiter called G & I "gentlemen" a few weeks ago...but compared to where it was...)

ANYWAY: hope you had a wonderful day wherever you are.

Auditioning for our Paul Frank Modeling Contract

Monday, December 19, 2011

Semantics

Things right now are pretty simple.  I have yet to experience any side effects from the Tamoxifen (Dr. Chui said most patients don't for about 6-8 weeks...)  So I just go in from time to time and have needles stuck in my tissue expanders and saline added until I get the size I want to be for reconstruction.

My reconstructive surgery is scheduled for January 17 and it is an outpatient procedure.  Dr. Hansen, my plastic surgeon, says the recovery is a "walk in the park" compared to what I've already experienced....here's hoping the anti-biotics don't cause a recurrence a c-diff!

Then, about two weeks after the reconstruction, my radiation treatments will begin: Monday through Friday for six-and-a-half weeks.  The good news in all of this is that if everything goes according to plan I'll be done with my treatments (except for the Tamoxifen) inside of a year of my diagnosis.

And in other news: my hair is coming back nice and thick everywhere except my eyelashes (which, aside from my head, is probably the one place I wish it would come back super thick!)  My fingernail is about 2/3rds grown out at this point...things are recovering nicely....

So I recently started thinking: Do I have cancer or should I say I've had cancer?  I mean, my hope is that I had it--that at this point it's all eradicated from my body. 

While I realize that it's really semantics, in some ways it really isn't!  The weirdest thing is I don't want to say it in past tense because I don't want to tempt the fates, kharma, or what/whomever I might be tempting to slap me down and teach me a lesson.  I'm oddly superstitious that way (you should see me when the Cowboys play...)

I guess until my treatments are over I'll just go with HAVING it, present tense, because the medical professionals are still behaving as though I do and that's good enough for me.

In other news, we had a Holiday Party at work last Friday night.  It was great catching up with co-workers and spouses (even if it meant talking A LOT about cancer...) I do okay talking about everything up until the topic of having another child comes up.  SO: NEW RULE: unless you want to talk to me about being a surrogate for Greg & I, I cannot engage in talk of having another child...it's too upsetting for me right now.

Also, I shouldn't be listening to Judy Garland sing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" this year.  Even though it's my favorite, and she's my favorite, it pretty much makes me cry every time.  Better to sing "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas!"

Friday, December 9, 2011

Aloha!

I did NOT post any pictures of Hawaiian sunsets while we were away--and now we are back home.

However, we had a wonderful time.  Last Friday my sis, O & I flew over to Maui and met up with my parents.  Even though he's two-and-a-half, I have to say, O did great on the flight.  Special thanks to APPLE for inventing the iPad!

We had a wonderful, relaxing week in Ka'anapali.  The weather was great, we had a few meals out, two with old friends, a whale-watching cruise (saw LOTS of whales!)...all in all a great week.

I am especially grateful to my parents for all they did with O on this trip, making it even more relaxing.  I got to lay by the pool and read and read and talk to my sis.

Today, all 5 of us flew back and O did great again.  Right now, G is reading him his bedtime story.  We both missed G, and I could even sense little bouts of homesickness in O on this trip.  

Here's the obligatory family photo for your enjoyment:



I am also grateful to G who had a Christmas tree set up for us when we got home.  He would go without, but I'm a sap for Christmas decorations, and O was very excited to see it too.  This weekend we will deck the halls (within reason...) and I will (hopefully) get my cards ordered....

Finally, I'm grateful again for my wonderful co-workers, who took care of lots of business for me while I was away.  The chocolate-covered macadamia nuts are en route!